Welcome, or fuck you, depending.
I'm not here to tell you how many calories you can burn roller skating, I'm here to incite and entertain.
Take me or leave me.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Rollercon 2011 Hot/Not List

Auntie Social’s RollerCon 2011 Hot/Not List

Hot                                                    Not

Metallic Helmets                              Granny Panties
Full Coverage                                   Tampon Strings
Flasks                                                Koozies
Big Bushes                                        Mustaches
Side Ponies                                        Mullets
Having Fun                                        Being Cool
Falling in the Pool                             Puking in the Pool
Skate Safe Campaign                         Free limo to After Party
Taking the Stairs                                Waiting for/Getting stuck in the elevator
Roller Pros                                         Roller Hos

Thursday, July 28, 2011


Objective: To create chaos and disorder in a community of otherwise peaceful participants, for no particular reason. Motive still undetermined.

Modus Operandi: Carrying out covert secret ops with stealth and cunning.

Previous Infiltrations: NCRG, Sac City, The Bay Bombers, Undead Bettys, SVRG, East Bay Roller Derby, LBRD, Hollywood, and your mom.

Special Skills: Master of Assholery, Secret Agent in training.

Current Projects: Rollercon 2011

Future Infiltrations:
• Space (or the past)
• Mainstreet, USA, Disneyland
• The Eiffel Tower

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Rollergate 2011                                            
Unassociated Rollerpress                       

July 27, 2011

Las Vegas, Nevada: It’s the biggest scandal in recent roller skating history. It seems an unidentified skater has infiltrated one of the most popular events for roller derby fans and athletes: Rollercon. The annual convention in Las Vegas, Nevada is being held this week from July 27th through the 31st and features derby matches, clinics and seminars, vendors, games and more.

Reports began to surface early Wednesday that a rogue roller had been spotted skating through the hallways of hotels, systematically knocking on every door and inexplicably giving everyone the finger, apparently unprovoked. While witnesses claim to have captured the nameless nuisance on camera, all images of the elusive trouble maker seem to have vanished from surrounding surveillance footage and camera phones.

“She appears to be creating chaos and mayhem for no reason at all” said one Convention attendee. “We can’t figure out why she’s doing it or who she is.” Though no crimes have been committed, (yet) authorities and Convention staff are on the lookout for this anonymous skater as it seems her mission is to agitate the public and create disorder amongst an otherwise peaceful group.

If you have any information or know the identity of this unwanted presence, please contact authorities or Convention staff immediately. If you see her DO NOT APPROACH HER. She is an incredibly cunning master of deceit and will surely try and convince you she has done nothing wrong. DON’T BELIEVE HER.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Always secure your oxygen mask first (or, a concussion story)

Always secure your oxygen mask first/or A concussion story

Me, right before I ate it!

Before we go into the details of the week that followed, let me re-cap the actual accident. I was at Ghetto Park, (that’s what we call it, it’s a skate park in the middle of the projects in LB) practicing with the Moxi Junior Street team. (Every Sunday at noon if anyone wants to join us). I was getting pretty bold. It was my 4th or 5th time on ramps and I was starting to feel pretty comfortable doing jump transitions and dropping in. Plus, there were a bunch of 10 and 12 year olds making me look bad. So I got ballsy.

I don’t remember how I fell or what caused me to fall. Not because I lost consciousness but just because I don’t know what I did wrong. If I did, I wouldn’t have done it! Uni Mommmer says as I was going back and forth doing my jump transitions that my feet became increasingly farther apart, and then one time I just landed wrong, (you’re supposed to land it with both feet at the same time, and I landed one in front of the other) and then went down the ramp onto my shoulder, and then face!

I want everyone to know that I WAS WEARING ALL MY PADS. And thank god too, because I probably would have lost consciousness, or worse, if I didn’t have a helmet on. I have knocked a tooth out before and I had just gotten $300 worth of dental work done on my front teeth. I was SO grateful I hadn’t broken a tooth! I think in the future, I am going to start wearing my mouth guard to the skate park. Forget losing a tooth, I’m lucky I didn’t break my jawbone! I slammed my face fucking HARD.

Karla Sutra took this immediately after the fall

To see the pictures I took that day CLICK HERE!
Just the week prior, my friend Estro Jen had told me a story about going to the skate park in Venice Beach and meeting a dude in a neck brace. He explained that he always wore his helmet, but this fateful day he had loaned his helmet to a child who did not have any protective gear on, and low and behold, that was the day he broke his neck! Estro explained to me that this guy’s story really got to her and she promised him she would start wearing her helmet again. The light bulb came on and she had an epiphany: She said to me, “You see, that’s why you always secure your oxygen mask first.”

Ultimate Beach Party/Moxi Junior Street Team

This past weekend Alfredo’s by the beach hosted the first annual Ultimate Beach Party at Cherry Bluff in Long Beach. Vendors and merchants were present for the weekend of fun along with musicians and the Moxi Junior Street Team. Moxi and friends had a vert ramp set up on the beach and boarders and roller skaters alike skated side by side in an epic rolling rumble.

The highlight of the weekend was definitely Moxi’s Junior Street Team. Recently Moxi Skate Shop decided to sponsor four exceptional skater tots! Killer Bee Killed, Syd Vicious, Astro Star and Lucky Harm have been chosen to represent Moxi and take to the streets for promotions and flyering. Read more below!

"We are introducing our first ever Moxi Street Team to the City of Long Beach. We have invited 4 youngsters to be our very first sponsored skaters to support them in their continued journey as well-rounded, talented & skilled lifestyle roller skaters. Team Skaters will receive special discounts and free shwag at Moxi Roller Skate Shop!." –Moxi

Estro Jen with some Junior Girls at Ultimate Beach Party

I am very excited about this and I love supporting junior skaters. I think it’s great that Moxi is reaching out to not only help junior skaters, but elevate the sport as a whole and expose the community to a new side of the sport. While it was disappointing that I couldn’t skate because of my recent concussion, I had a blast watching all the kiddies rockin’ and rollin’ on the ramps. I look forward to keeping everyone updated on these awesome kidlets.

Check out some of these shots from the weekend and like them on facebook!


Saturday, July 16, 2011

It's I love Roller Derby Day! (Pt. 2)

I made this wit' my 'chit

It's I love Roller Derby Day again! (I can't believe my blog has lasted over a whole year! Check out the blog I posted last year on I love roller derby day, it's my top 10 things I love about roller derby!) In celebration, and since I am going to Rollercon for the first time this year, I am going to post the top 10 things I am excited about for Rollercon 2011.

10) Making fun of people who brought kids to Vegas

9) Skating down the Las Vegas strip
8) A hug from Dumptruck

7) A spanking from The Commissioner

6) Long Island ice teas at 9 am and Mimosas at 11 pm

5) Going to a strip club (???)


3) Networking (Partying)

2) A new found appreciation for being a Californian, (even if I do live in L.A.)

1) Infiltrating that shit! I said to my friend, "I think Rollercon is going to piss me off" and she said, "Dude, I think YOU'RE going to piss Rollercon off." Touche friend, touche.

I've got 500 stickers, 650+ mini mags, 500 business cards and 20 promo items for 20 lucky people.


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Sunday Self Portraits/Concussion Photos

I thought I was going to post one "Sunday Self Portraits" blog and then begin doing them regularly but then it didn't really pan out that way. Perhaps it is better doing it only once it awhile so you can really gauge a difference between the photos. (?) If you want to see what I looked like in the first Sunday Self Portraits blog I wrote, click here.

This Sunday self portraits blog is actually pretty exciting since I took them on the day I got a concussion! Sunday July 10th, 2011.

This is me icing my face immediately after it happened.

This POV shot is me feeling like puking in the ER.

This is my fucked up face in the ER.

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Auntie Villain

Today, I was simultaneously the hero AND the villain at the skate park. There were a bunch of families around picnicking for the holiday and a bunch of unsupervised children running around the bowls and sliding down half pipes. After watching skateboarders and bmx'ers getting increasingly pissed and nearly knocking a bunch of tiny tots down, I announced, "ALRIGHT. I DON'T MIND BEING THE FUCKING BITCH HERE. GET OUT OF OUR BOWLS. NO ONE IS HAVING FUN ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL RUNNING AROUND. There are plenty of places for you to play, there's a jungle gym right over there! It is illegal for us to skate everywhere else in this city and this park was built for US. If you're not going to respect the skate park, those who use the park are going to get pissed at you!" The bowl cleared out and I said to all the real skaters and bikers, "okay. you can have fun now." And then I dropped in, followed by the rest of the skaters. I got cheers from the bikers and boarders and mean stares from the kids. My friend said to a tiny kid, "Look, I don't want you to get hurt" but I felt compelled to add, "ya but apparently your parents don't give a shit if you do." I mean WTF! We're serious athletes here and these parents are using it as a fucking baby sitter. NO ONE was paying attention. A bunch of tiny kids almost got decked! Everything's fine and fucking dandy until someone gets hurt. I feel kinda bad but no one was taking control!!! That's why I had to say, "Look, someone's got to be the bitch here. Might as well be me. I have no problem stepping up and being the bad guy for the sake of everyone else's fun". But I did feel a little dirty afterward. I mean, I said fuck in front of a bunch of kids.

Happy 4th of July! Roller Derby is 100% American!

I think that's a big deal. There aren't many sports that America can claim inventing 100%, but Roller Derby is one of them, and I think that's neat! One time my friend said that there's a reason America sucks in the Olympics at sports like curling and shot put.  It's cause we reign at the COOL sports like surfing and snow boarding. And now, we can add Roller Derby to that list! Not to mention, almost all the skates in the world are made in America.

Finally something you can be proud of! America invented Roller Derby!

Thanks Leo Seltzer!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Win a pair of Moxi Rollerskates! -NAME THIS TRICK CONTEST-

You read that right, we're giving away a pair of Moxi Rollerskates!


It's my blog's first birthday and to celebrate I'm partnering with Moxi Rollerskates to host my very first contest. The zoo pattern are my favorite Moxi skates because they're the EDGIEST, so that's the pair we're giving away. Not your favorite? Too bad! Because this contest is to win a free pair of MOXI ZOO SKATES! (Your size!)

I know, I know, you're wondering how to enter, right?

All you have to do is NAME THIS TRICK.

This is me and my buddy Estro Jen spinning in circles! This trick has some frilly ice skating name but we think it needs a derby name. You know how Dump Truck coined the term "Power Jam" right? Well this could be your time to shine! You could go down in skating history!

TO ENTER: Come up with a snazzy new name for this best buddies trick. Estro Jen and I will be choosing the winner solely based on WHICH NAME WE LIKE THE BEST and announcing the winner on my blog AND the Moxi Rollerskate shop blog by midnight California time on AUGUST 6th. That's right, you have one whole month to come up with something clever, so make your entry good! You must "like" Auntie Social's facebook fan page in order to be eligible to win. One entry per person. Submit your entry by posting your trick name on Auntie Social's facebook page OR the Moxi Rollerskates facebook page. We will confirm your entry has been received by "liking" your post. Check back on August first when we unveil the trick's new name and announce a winner!

RULES AND RESTRICTIONS: You have to live in the United States, but as long as you live in the lower 48, if you win we will ship your skates to you. We will double check contestant pages to see that you have "liked" Auntie Social's page on facebook before officially confirming a winner, so make sure you like me!