Welcome, or fuck you, depending.
I'm not here to tell you how many calories you can burn roller skating, I'm here to incite and entertain.
Take me or leave me.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

100th Blog & First Banked Track Bout

THIS IS MY 100th BLOG!!!

In my opinion, there is no better celebration than the fact that I skated my first banked track game this month!

On April 22nd, I had the honor and privilege of playing as a sub for the awesome 4th Street Retro Rollers of Long Beach Roller Derby. Not only was this the league's (and my) first banked track game, it was the premiere of the Rollers' brand new uniforms! Even though my parents live 5 hours north in the San Francisco Bay Area they still made the trip in order to see my return debut to the derby track. Also in attendance that night were derby greats Quadzilla, Blade and DumpTruck. It was a star studded event for sure! I just regret not having them all sign my helmet. That would have been fantastic! I did have an awesome time though. And did I mention we won against the Terminal Island Tootsies? 133-89! Check out the photos and the awesome video of this Earth Day game, appropriately titled "We Bleed Green".

 <- After our victory

The 'Rents

4th Street Retro Rollers for the win!

"We Bleed Green" Highlights from Long Beach Roller Derby on Vimeo.

Sunday, April 24, 2011


This is some of the art from Moxi Skate Shop in Long Beach. It's such a cute little shop, every time I'm there I find something new to love. I already posted an entire blog about The Perfect Match, which can also be found in Moxi.

These are just a few photos I took last time I was there.









Saturday, April 23, 2011

This is how I roll

This is how I roll...
...You've got to pay to play!

Mastery: by George Leonard

Book Review Time!

Even though I’m a big reader, doing a book review is just something that never occurred to me for “This is How I Roll”… I have been planning on doing a review of the Roller Derby work-out video, and product reviews are a misnomer, and I know there are a couple Roller Derby books out there, (like the one Whip It was based on: Derby Girl, and this one: Down and Derby) but I haven’t read them and don’t really have any interest in doing so. The book I just finished reading however has so many valuable lessons that I think every skater who is serious about refining their skill and developing their talent should read. It’s called Mastery, and even though it doesn’t have anything to do with skating, it does. It’s entirely about mastering a skill, any skill, and you can make it whatever you wish.

I read it in College when a childhood friend recommended it to me. He is a professional trumpet player and he read it at a time when he was discouraged and experiencing little progress in his playing. The book helped him learn to love the long plateaus of non-growth for the sake of the pursuit of mastery. He and I had discussed books in the past, including a shared appreciation for the book The Celestine Prophecy, and he thought I’d appreciate Mastery. Though I did read the whole thing in College, I don’t have that much recollection of it. It certainly didn’t resonate with me at the time the way it had with my friend Phil. Perhaps it was because I was not really on the path of mastery yet with anything and I couldn’t relate.

Now that I have made a conscious choice to move in a direction towards skating, and possess an urgent desire to learn anything and everything I can on wheels, (the other night at the roller rink after looking around I remarked to myself, “Wow. I want to skate like EVERYBODY here. I want to learn EVERYONE’S skating style!”…) and I’m reading it a second time, this book is really powerful to me. Every page is loaded with wisdom and a new gem that either forces me to look at my situation in a different light and accept my circumstances, or it reinforces to me everything I already believe and ascribe to. The author of the book is an aikido expert, but I can’t stop thinking about roller skating with every word I read. Because I am now relating the book to skating, the book is no longer what it once was to me. It’s suddenly like I’m an attentive student at the front of a classroom, in awe of a teacher who is affirming everything I ever have believed and I’m furiously nodding my head in agreement, hanging on every word saying “uh huh, uh huh, yes, go on…”

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

4/20 roll a doobie for roller derby

HAPPY 420! This is a RE-POST from November on Election Day. I also have to add that the reason I called this blog "Roll a Doobie for Roller Derby" is because I want to have a fundraiser for my dream team called that, in which marathon joint rollers compete for the title of best doobie connoisseur, and all in the name of derby. Without further ado, here it is:

Coincidentally, the least controversial California proposition I could broach a dialog about today seems to be Prop. 19, the movement to legalize recreational marijuana use.  I have always been a staunch opponent of the ‘medical’ marijuana cause. (Ya ya, my close friends are all saying WTF right about now). But hear me out.

The general public is TOO SMART to pull the wool over their eyes and convince them pot is medicinal. It is absolutely ludicrous to argue one should "smoke for your health", regardless of the benefits of pot. And I think the general public tends to agree with this, subconsciously or not. People may be able to try and reason with themselves internally what the apparent benefits of marijuana are, but deep down something is telling them that it is just a recreational pastime, not a serious medicine. They know, because they smoked some for fun, at a party once in college. Of course it helps cancer patients and anorexics and is useful in relieving countless other ailments. But that does not mean it is the BEST anecdote, -or argument for legalization. And besides, anything that someone uses to make them feel better can be considered "self medicating". That's what plenty of alcoholics call their drinking but not many doctors will write you a prescription for ‘one glass of wine a night’. Using pot to self medicate is a lame excuse used to veil the truth everyone knows: We just want to get high. …But my argument is this: What the hell is wrong with that as a sole excuse for legalization?

If you are allowed to drink a beer because you like to take the edge off, then why can't I smoke a joint peaceably in my own backyard? If you can get wired on coffee and loopy as Paula Abdul on pain meds and over the counter pills, then why cant I JUST GET HIGH?

Really, it is a perfectly legitimate argument. Frankly, I feel burn out hippies who just want to cop a buzz are better advocates for our cause than PHD toting ‘doctors’ who ruin the credibility of real physicians and taint the true reason for legalization:  

Monday, April 18, 2011

I agree, your life sucks (and you totally deserved it)


If you haven't visited the site FMyLife.com you need to. Every sentence starts with "Today..." and explains something crappy that happened that day, and ends with "FML" (in other words, "Fuck My Life"). It's a pretty hilarious site that indulges in funny mishaps or misdoings, but is also raunchy and horrifying and tasteless all at the same time. It's kind of like a car wreck you can't look away from... With each word you are more and more disturbed, but you just can't stop relishing in those who are wallowing. There is also a rating system you can participate in. If you agree the "FML" posted truly sucks, you can click the icon that says "I agree, your life sucks". If you think that's verging on the borderline of rude, you can also click the even meaner icon which says "you totally deserved it" if you feel the person is a whiny douche bag who needs to quit bitching. I myself just tuned in for a little end-of-day unwinding and happened upon this:

Yep, your life DOES suck...AND you totally deserved it. 

For one, if you mention that wish you had gotten hurt doing something bad ass like roller derby, BUT YOU DON'T PLAY ROLLER DERBY, you're right, your life sucks. 

Second of all, if you mention that you wish you had gotten hurt doing something bad ass like roller derby, AND YOU DO PLAY ROLLER DERBY, then I'm right and you totally deserved it. 

Friday, April 15, 2011

It's Tax Season! -Skater Profile: Cyntax #1040ez

Happy Tax Season! This is a re-post from October 2010.

Skater Name: CynTax 
(officially [or formerly?] CynTax Terror)
“Because I’m a tax accountant and I’m easy!” But also, being“an accountant is semi-unusual in the derby world, so I wanted my skate name to reflect my profession.”-Cyn

Number: 1040ez
“The number, 1040ez, for those that don’t know, is the standard short form for tax preparation. Get it, short form. During tax season it really is CynTax season because I’m working crazy hours while trying to keep up my attendance at derby practice so I can make the rosters.”-Cyn

Team Affiliations: Currently with SVRG, previously with B.A.D. Girls

Derby Debut Date: January 2006

Skating Background:
“As far as skating goes; I am a child of the 80’s, so skating parties were a weekly staple in my life. Until I started my roller derby career in 2006, I hadn’t skated since the late 80’s. It was like riding a bike in some ways, but it still took time to build upon those basic skating skills.” However, “I was very heavily into gymnastics competition all through my childhood. I really feel this training has been extremely helpful in roller derby. In particular, it has helped me to better take falls by rolling out of them or ‘crumpling’ to reduce the impact to any one particular part of the body.” -Cyn

Preferred Position: Jammer/Human Target, Downward Facing Dog, Short Stop and The Flail

Accomplishments: September Skater of the Month 2010, Bout MVP, 2009 Takes a Lickin’ and Keeps on Tickin’ Award and most laps skated at SVRG’s first annual skate-o-thon fundraiser in 2009, after skating 315 laps or nearly 24 miles in 2 hours!

Derby Wife: Megan “Satan’s Kitten” Pittsley
“What I really admire about Cyn is her confidence and fire (hence why I call her 'fighty mouse'). Even though she's small, she doesn't let anyone intimidate her or make her feel unsure about herself, regardless of their size. 
She's always in it to win it.”– Megan Pittsley

Favorite Quote: Shit or get off the pot!

Derby Theme Song: Get Back and How Low Can You Go, both by Ludacris
“I listen to this during warm-ups before every bout, it helps me get psyched up” -Cyn

Hidden Talents: “Hmm…I’m really good at scaring guys away!”-Cyn

Pet Peeves: Insincerity, political correctness, bullshit, apathy and tact

Guilty Pleasures: McDonalds and daily naps

Halloween Costume this year? I'm gong to rock a flapper girl get up.  I think it will be easy to skate in at the skate-o-thon.

Celebrity Crush: Winona Ryder
“She’s crazy and hot and people tell me I look and act like her”-Cyn

You Decide:
 ~CYN~              /               ~WIN~

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Armen Nazarian Photography

• ...sometimes you get what you need... •

Photo By: Armen Nazarian

Since I moved to Hollywood, and since deciding to stop half-assing skating and dedicate my life 100% to rolling, things seem to simply be falling into place. (Or as George Leonard describes it in his book, I decided to stop “dabbling” and start on the path towards mastery). It is as if the only thing holding me back had been my own fear, and the universe was just waiting for me to get my shit together and wise up so it could start giving me the tools I needed to accomplish my destiny. So many people who I have met recently are shocked to find out I have a past in law and that my bachelor’s degree is in political science. I realize the reason they are so surprised is because being a writer and a roller skater just FITS ME. It suits my personality so well, I understand that when I tell them I used to be in politics, they are surprised because they cannot place me in that setting.

I now know that is the same reason why it was so difficult for me to land a job like that or retain one for very long. Even though I had all the experience and qualifications to work in a political or legal setting, my bosses and co-workers knew and could see what I yet could not: I am not cut out for that type of work. Sure maybe on paper I am, but put me in an office from 9 to 5 and I’ll start hip checking your copy machine and answering the phones in a funny accent. Other people could see this about me, they could tell I was not meant to be there. They knew something I didn’t.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

I'm YOUR local roller girl - HIRE ME!

I'm YOUR local roller girl!


* Need a fun/different/unique Extra or Background Dancer?

* How about great eye candy and entertainment for your next party?

* Did you know that roller skating is better exercise than running?

* Are you interested in private instruction from a lifelong skater and experienced roller derby athlete?

* Are you trying to get your child motivated to exercise?

* Are you looking for something hip and new on the LA scene to feature and grab your readers' attention?

I am everything you are looking for, and more.

Hire me for dancing skating, entertainment, lessons, acting and everything else!

About Me:

I recently moved to Hollywood to pursue my “derby dreams”. I told my parents I was moving to Southern California to go to Grad School for Roller Skating. –It’s not quite what they had in mind but I keep reminding them that hey, at least I’m not a stripper.

The other night I went skating up Hollywood Boulevard for the first time. It was exhilarating! People were snapping pictures of me with their disposable cameras from tour buses and I had to remind some very distracted gentlemen on the curb that their walk sign had turned green and it was alright for them to proceed into the intersection at that time. What can I say, I’m a ham, I love the attention.

Even though I have a bachelor’s degree and have worked on Capitol Hill, I am convinced my most marketable skill is roller skating. When I am out and about skating, people run out of their office building or cross the street to broach a conversation with me. No one has done that to give me a job! Roller skating is fun, draws attention and people can see how much I love it right on my face. It radiates from my pores. It’s contagious.

Now, all I want out of life is to spread my love for rolling through everything and all that I do. Help me prove to myself, my parents, and the world that this 100% genuine American pastime can excite the public once again; hire me.

Shoot me an e-mail so we can 
lace up and let’s get rolling. 

Hugs N' Shoves,
XoXo Auntie

Friday, April 1, 2011

The next wave in Roller Derby

Are you ready for the next wave in roller derby?

This is it!

As roller derby grows and evolves more leagues are adapting to the changing desires of fans and skaters alike. Recent polls have shown that the people want something more from their derby experience. Fans want something more visually stimulating and skaters have been demanding something more athletically challenging.

Now recruiting little people to become Roller Derby Jockeys!

You read that right, we will carry you on our backs!

After years of careful planning and consideration, followed by months of test runs, we are finally ready to unveil our innovative new spin on an American classic and begin a vigorous and thorough screening process. Only the best of the best shall be chosen. Prepare yourself for the next generation of roller derby! We anticipate this new element to the game will really increase ticket sales and recruitment numbers. It’s a win/win for everybody.

If you thought the flat track derby names you’ve heard were cute, wait ‘til you meet Punchin’ Munchkin, Eency Weency and Lil’ Arson Annie of the new Roller Crew Jockey team!

Don’t worry if you have little experience, that’s exactly what we’re looking for. So saddle up and let’s get rolling!


-Must be 18+ to ride
-Cannot be taller than 52”
-Cannot weigh more than 100 lbs.
-Men and Women welcome!

You do not need skating ability or even skates, just pads and a helmet. 

We Will Carry You On Our Backs!