My Duty to You (or "FUCK YOU IF...")

Some things just never change.

Sometimes when I come across writing from my past, I am shocked at my own passion and fire. I am tempted to change the words or revise it to soften the harshness.

But then I remind myself that I am who I am for a reason, I have always evoked reaction from exuding pure raw truth, and I do not wish to erase or deny my past. Re-reading how I felt years ago just reinforces in my gut who I was born to be and what my mission in life is- to expose the truth and radiate art from my pores. -To reflect back onto the world the twisted way in which I see and interpret it. I have grown to understand that I should not repress this in me, but nourish it and help it blossom, as I now realize who I am is a refreshing ray of sunshine to so many who can relate but do not speak up. Refusing to censor myself is a favor to all the repressed souls of this world who can't help but do otherwise.

I walk forth with a renewed purpose and sense of duty to my patronage. Keep reading. It's only going to get better.

With that said, here is an Oldie but Goodie- originally drafted on April 5, 2007 and entitled "Fuck you if..." Please enjoy my unadulterated, gritty, in-your-face truthiness. And if you don't well then, fuck you.

“Fuck you if…”

none of you seem to understand

don't you all get it yet? don't you know me yet? i guess the ones that never understood just never will.

what i am now is a roller girl without a league to call home.

but what i do have left:

-my pride.

-my sense of justice

-the way that i feel about myself

-and my mental health and happiness.

some of you just don't understand that i am not willing to forfeit those things to skate. some of you don't understand why i am not willing to kiss ass and comply to be a roller girl. many people question my committment to the sport or my sportmanship because of how frequently i speak up. Fuck anyone who questions my commitment to roller derby when it breaks my god damn heart that i can't skate. but im sorry, this sense of what is right is just too strong.

i comprehend that there are consequences to my actions. 

i know you reap what you sow. 

i understand what i am doing to myself.

but i have to. 

and fuck you if you don't understand.