I was put on this earth to spread the roller derby gospel. Nothing fills my heart with joy more.
Last night several teammates and I supported some local roller derby and attended a home game at San Jose Skate with the awesome, bad-ass and beautiful Silicon Valley Roller Girls!
(I love these ladies).
We also enjoyed some Junior Derby, which is always a treat. Some of the girls I had brought along had never seen a derby game before, and I have to say- it was the closest thing I can imagine to showing your kid Disneyland for the first time. Admittedly, I myself wasn’t even feeling much like going out last night, but my friends’ enthusiasm was infectious! They weren’t jaded and cynical (like me) they were enthralled and taking notes on how everything worked. When we left, everyone was pumped to get working this Monday at practice.
Driving home I was reflecting on how great I felt. I don’t exactly feel comfortable in a leadership position, and now that I am the President of something I have discovered already the cross one bears for being in a position of power. I am apprehensive about how I will be interpreted, because well, I’m super critical and I have an opinion about everything. I realize I am responsible for representing roller derby in the right light and want to give the sport a good reputation.
I even wrote about this after last Thursday’s practice:
Today was the first night we collected dues. I was nervous. I feel weird in a leadership role, because I don’t know how to tell people what to do. I’ve never started a league before, and despite all our explanations of USARS fees and rink rental rates, I still felt apprehensive, and well- guilty about collecting money from people. But tonight everyone was willing, they had no problem doing it. The only one with the problem it seemed, was me. I just have so many hang ups about exploitation and riding on people’s love of the sport…Despite my reluctance and apprehensions, everyone else is excited. It is exactly what I have been asking and well, praying for, for years. And I am going to fully embrace it. (9/9/10)
So, with the same sort of surprise at everyone’s seemingly blind enthusiasm last night I thought to myself, “DUH. it’s not ME that’s cool, it’s ROLLER DERBY”. But even as I knew that, I still felt amazing. I loved delivering the coolness that I had become jaded about to someone else and being able to see it in a new light again. It…made me feel young or something.
So while I am still stumbling and fumbling to live up to the awesome reputation of Roller Derby and figure out how to build a team that would make even Leo proud, I guess I am piggy backing on people’s love of the sport. But please excuse me, while I learn. We will learn together. Thank you for forgiving me my faults and letting me try to teach you roller derby.
It’s not like preachers ARE god, they just love him and want to share him with everyone. Likewise, I love roller derby so much, I want to give it as a gift to those who don’t have it for the rest of my life, so it can continue to save my soul, energize and renew me, over and over again.
In between quitting another league and being let down yet again, and before I really got going on starting my own league- I was feeling down and discouraged about living in my parents house and not using my degree. I was talking to a very dear friend I have known for years, who is a youth minister in Chicago now. (Shout out: Top 8 Inside Jokes: The FC, Tartan Jammers, Tuna, Sox, Bunny Buck, Lint, Make-Up Art, and always, Saxophone <3). Sorry for the tangent, I love that girl. Anyways, this girl, I kind of consider her my spiritual guru. She is very patient and insightful and not only have I known her forever, I trust her, (with my spiritual vulnerability that is). So I revealed to her, while in my darkest hour of soul searching and mid-twenties “what the hell am I going to do with my life?” bullcrap, that the only thing that really has made me truly happy at all in the past 5 years is Roller Derby. All I want to do, is Roller Derby. I told her that deep down, I honestly feel that god put me on this earth to pursue roller derby- that my life purpose IS skating.
If it isn’t, then why would it make me so damn happy?