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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I do what I want!

Sometimes I feel like if I were as good of a musician and as passionate about playing my flute as I am good at roller derby and passionate about skating my parents wouldn’t think I was crazy. They would fully support me trying to make it as a musician, as hard and as unlikely and as statistically improbable my success might be, they would support me 100%. But I getting in screaming matches about how I am going to pursue skating no matter what they say, and defiantly declare “they don’t know what they’re talking about” and say bluntly, “I’m sorry, but about this, you’re just wrong.” It’s bewildering to me. Is trying to make a living at roller skating that much different than trying to make a living as a musician, or a painter or a photographer? Because all of those things my parents would blindly support, if I showed any inkling of talent in those arenas. But skating? I’m fucking GOOD at that. I’m way better at that then I EVER was at playing the flute. Why can’t they see how happy it makes me? My dad screams back, “You don’t care at all about how you’re going to make money! Why is skating so important to you!?” And I find myself actually defending it!! Through tears explaining and pleading I cry, “Because it’s the only thing that makes me happy! AND IM ALWAYS UNHAPPY!!!! What don’t YOU get about that?” It’s exhausting. Having to explain over and over again to my own flesh and blood just what will make me happy. But I guess, in a small way, it makes me relieved that this is the first time I’ve experienced such adamant opposition from my parents about something I really wanted to do. Usually they are unyielding in their support. Just think, some kids probably experienced that very fight about playing their instrument, somewhere along the way. I’m just glad I have parents that respect the arts. But now, they just don’t see the logic in it.

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