These are a few of my favorite things...

So my birthday was last Tuesday and I vowed to post a blog for it. It is a week later, but here it is. Creating a list of my favorites was pretty fun, so how fitting for a birthday blog.

 

…Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

The bad news is I’m not Oprah and in this Favorites Blog I won’t be giving any of you anything. I take that back. I give you all my everlasting gratitude and appreciation.

The good news is that this isn’t your High School yearbook, for what it’s worth- you ALL get best smile and most likely to succeed.

If you are lucky enough to have known me for a decade, you might know I used to be the school Marching Band’s arbiter of some pretty epic Top 8 lists. Hence, 8.  I hope I can live up to the memory of me.

Top 8 Roller Derby Favorites

for muh birfday blog:

Favorite Term (Event?): The Power Jam! A power jam is when one jammer accumulates 4 minors or commits a major and has been sent to the penalty box. At this point the remaining jammer is free to not only skate unopposed but also earn “ghost points”. It’s worded kind of confusing in section 8.5 of the WFTDA rule book: “The Jammer earns a point for each opposing skater who is not on the track immediately upon scoring her first point on an opposing blocker in each scoring pass”. What it means is you not only score points on your opposing blockers, but all your own team’s blockers as well, AND the opposing jammer.  Being a jammer, you can see why I love when a power jam happens, (in my favor of course).

Favorite Penalty: Calling off the jam when you are not lead jammer. It’s the only funny penalty I can think of!

Favorite Derby Theme Songs: (I mean songs to skate to). Hit me with your best shot by Pat Benatar and I would die for you (if you want me to) by Prince. My personal Roller Derby theme song however is Bad Reputation by Joan Jett.

Favorite Derby Names: Tenacious Diva, Queen Kamehamayhem (If you don’t get it I don’t care, if you do: My Hawaiian roller derby name would be Pele Longstocking {FYI folklore goes that Pele was blond}[talk about a tangent}) and Quadzilla (doesn’t he have gold plates on his skates?) And of course, OMG WTF…Some names I almost chose include Public Enema©, Sacrilicious© and Bitch Doctor©. If it were up to Loretta Behrens and Gloria Gardner however I’d be called Lauren “Blank Slate” Kallio due to my lack of tattoos.

Favorite Derby Team Themes: (Besides the Voodoo Dolls and Messy Bettys…)

-NeanderDolls- Caveman Themed

-Reservoir Dolls- Reservoir Dogs Themed

-Derby Liberation Front- Promoters of revolutionary agendas

-And Clockwork Orange…with Sac City Rollers. But I can’t really remember if that was a team theme, or just a bout theme.   

...Also, I’ve been trying to swindle my team into having a B.A.R.T. theme, -call ourselves “Bay Area Rolling Thunder” and wear conductor uniforms, but only Just Apryl will go for it.

Favorite Skates: [Quads]-Carreras and Wickeds. (Aesthetically, I like these quads but have never skated with them -265 Vegans’s, Dash, Diablos, 2-Tones?) I would also love to have me a pair of Moxi's.

[Roller Blades]- MetroBlades (OMGah! I loved these skates. They were like grown up fisher price skates- they came with shoes and you could unbuckle them out of the skates and wear them around. I love love loved them.) My current rides (and have been for the past 6 years)- my baby blue Rollerblades, (I liked them so much I bought them twice).

Favorite Gear: My Ultra-Wheels Wrist Guards, (I broke my wrist 3 separate times, in 3 separate places, each time skating without wrist guards. Read my blog wrist pissed). Mouth Guards- (I’ve lost a tooth, not skating, but still, it was traumatic). And of course, as I mention in my blog Welcome to Roller Derby, I think tailbone protection should be mandated.

Favorite Skating Surface: A banked track? And GOLDEN SKATE’S NEW FLOOR!

(ya sorry, I don't know what it is).

-BONUS-

 Auntie Social's Dream Team 

 

Pia Mess #24/7: a 5 star skater and consummate coach previously of Rat City and now with SVRG. Check out her coaching website here.

Rosie Rampage #1200: (Previously DJ Lois) Though I know her for her jamming, Kandie says she "Blocks like a mac truck". We skated together with NCRG on the VooDoo Dolls and Messy Bettys as well as NCRG's AllStar and travel teams. We skated briefly on the Sac City Rollers together, but she continued on with them to skate and now ref.

SlapJack: Specializes in blocking and jamming. I skated with her with NCRG. (Only on the All-Star and Travel Teams, unfortunately, but I did jam against her many a time!)

SlappaHo: Sassy little Jammer whose blocking will shock the shit out of you. She’s been with NCRG since day one and is now League President. We were on VooDoo and the Bettys together.

Graves #13: 5 star skater and excellent coach, -with Undead Bettys of Antioch. (Yes my dream team can be co-ed). I am not sure what Graves’ skating or coaching background is but he is a powerhouse skater who always has a cool temper and empathetic tone.  

Johnny Rainbow: Great skater and coach. (I think he has a speed skating background. Someone help me?) I met him when I skated briefly with the Sac City Rollers. I have no idea where he came from or where he went.

Juicy McLovin #143: Blocker extraordinaire! Like my bestie Kutthroat Kandie, Juicy really knows how to give a whip! And we all know how much I love my assists. Previously with SVRG and the Undead Bettys, (where we met) she has now become a part of East Bay Roller Derby.

Kutthroat Kandie #20: I can’t say enough about this woman. Read my full profile of her here. 5 star skater-blocker-captain, all around derby enthusiast and great friend.

Lucid: Fuckin’ Fast Jammer. I skated with her on the VooDolls and then against her as a Messy Betty when she made the ranks of the Anti-Sorority Sisters. I believe she retired from derby after poppin’ one out, but perhaps she’d make a revival for my dream team.

Just Apryl: This girl is an up and coming super star. After starting my team she gave me a run for my money from day one. Previously of the No-Town Rollers she is EBRD’s new secret weapon.  

Loose Cannon: She’s a brick house! Been with NCRG since day one and skated with me on the Messy Bettys. A true friend til’ the bitter end. I hope I will never have to play against her. An amazing blocker, I never feared entering a pack knowing she was on my side.  

Lisafer #664: Already a derby veteran before coming to the Undead Bettys of Antioch, Lisafer is an amazing skater all around. Always aware of her surroundings she can hold down an entire pack. If all my blockers were in the box and I had to choose one blocker Lisafer might very well be it.

Demanda Riot: wildcard! I have never skated with Demanda, I have never even SEEN her skate. I have just heard great things from great people and hey- a wildcard is fun right? Check out her fan page here.

ME: It’s my dream team. Of course I get to be on it.

Thanks for 26 spectacular years, 5 of which have been blissfully playing the sport of roller derby. Here's to 26 more.

Hugs N' Shoves,
Auntie