And the Winner is...!

Okay, I've dragged this out long enough!

THE WINNING ENTRY IS THE FO SHWIVEL! (Submitted by Sheri Mahlke).

Let me tell you why I love this entry. In case you are not hip to the jive, it is based off the slang term "Fo Shizzle" as in, "Fo Shizzle My Nizzle" popularized by the rap superstar Snoop Dogg. For those who do not know, Snoop Dogg is from Long Beach California. Long Beach is the home of Moxi Rollerskates. These are the reasons that factored into my choice.

RUNNER UPS:

Circle Jerks: By Shakira Glover because we’re definitely a couple of jerks
Spin Cycle: By Heidi Garman because it feels like we’re in a washing machine
Sista Twista: By Diane Elias, for being the first to win my mini contest of guessing the winner.

I loved many of the names, and so many were just so clever that I had to mention a few of my favorites.


HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Ring around the Moxis: By Jessica Manual-Lofton for using the word Moxi
Auntie Gravitational Pull: By Stacey BCubed Duvall for using my name
The Smoothie Maker: By Killer Bee Killed because we like the imagery it evokes
Tossing the Salad: By Pia Mess – makes me think of puking!
Japanese Ninja Bears: By Jumbo Jett becaue it was the weirdest one
Vomit Comet: By Anita Nother
The Royal Flush (because toilet bowl was too crude): By Keren Lowell (we go the other direction in Australia)
Whirling Girlish: By Richard Simmons because I think it’s clever


There were some R rated names that I felt were good enough to win but we wanted to keep it G rated, so my favorite risqué entries are as follows:

2 Fukuyup: By Dawnell Wickespeedia Smith- I’m not sure why I like this name so much but I do. Also, my roller derby name was almost Speedy GoneLawless, (as in Speedy Gonzales) and her name reminds me of it!

The Whoretex: By Frankie Rogers. I love this name, it’s just so fucking crass. But Estro wasn’t down.

Me and Pigeon doing the Fo Shwivel outside of Moxi.

Vote for DumpTruck!

If you all don't know who Dump Truck is you really should.

 He's from Mississippi and got his start emceeing and announcing for Roller Derby over half a decade ago. He is known for his crazy antics and "willingness to do just about anything". If you don't recognize him from his crazy costumes and sparkly unitards, you will surely recognize his distinct voice. One of the main announcers for DNN and podcasters for Derby Deeds his voice is one of the most, (dare I say it?) THE MOST well known voice in roller derby. He can also be heard on the Jam City Rollergirls video game. I first met Dump Truck when he announced for Long Beach's second season game opener. (The night was epic! Not only was it the season opener and the league's first banked track game, but Dump Truck was on the mic and Blade and Quadzilla were in attendance to guest coach. Read about it here).




But I'm really here to show you HIS AWESOME NEW EMCEE PAGE and encourage you to vote for it on about.me . You see, if he wins, he gets a billboard in Times Square. And promotion of roller derby anywhere is promotion of roller derby everywhere! (Unless you're the Bay Bombers.) In other words, if he wins, we all win. So you should vote!

Look what I found!

Look what I found! ...Super hero skating camp!

Too bad it's in Singapore.

Like, whoa

Like, Whoa.

I wana find thins place...

Just some funny Rollercon quotes

Found in the stairwell

 That’s about the best tittie fuck you’re gona get with me: a sharpie and an A cup.

She’s like the Meg Whitman of Rollercon! She paid all that money and didn’t step through the doors once.

Oh, so you’re taking your boobs down to the pool?

Auntie Social: “Hey Commissioner, What’s up!”

Jerry Seltzer: “Oh just me, every time I see you”

Come on, what professional sporting event has someone in a vagina costume?

Next year for Rollercon, I’m going to grow my bush out really long and put an afro pick in it.

She’s a DREAMBOAT. (Trust me, it was funny).

“Um…Hello? there’s a LINE.” “I’m not cutting, I’m taking the stairs bitch, I’m young and my legs work”.

I just texted him, I wrote on that guy’s facebook wall, and I tried to add this other guy. Wait, shit. I’M A ROLLER HO!

Auntie Social, you’re not funny! STOP!  [Paraphrased.] -Tweeted by Rollercon*

*(Everything else was said by me except the Dreamboat quote).

Rollercon made me think…Banked or Flat Track?

There’s a lot of other shit to write about or say regarding Rollercon 2011 but the most pertinent topic and the one I felt most compelled to write about first, was the main differences between banked and flat track roller derby. I have wanted to discuss this topic at length before, but watching derby in Vegas really re-energized my desire to write about it.

First of all, I’m sorry, but banked track roller derby is just way more fun to watch. Of COURSE flat track roller derby is still awesome. Especially when you’re watching the caliber of talent that you see at Rollercon. But there is just something about a banked track that has a more “event” style feel. And gosh, I suppose I take for granted just how awesome a venue the Spruce Goose Dome in Long Beach really is. With the banked track, bleachers, and stage lighting, it creates a professional arena atmosphere. 

But here I must interject that the beautiful thing about flat track roller derby is you can play it anywhere. Flat track roller derby has made the sport accessible to literally millions of people, so I will not deny its positive attributes. It has brought the sport I love to women all over the world, and that’s an amazing thing. But banked track roller derby is the future.

Okay, so- Long Beach sort of has its own rule set so I cannot speak for all banked track derby, just what I know. But the biggest difference about our style roller derby is:

LA Derby Dolls Entourage Parody: Bout Intro 3/27/10

 This is really fucking well done. Props to LADD.